Mother - In - Laws

This last week I got inspired once again by Downton Abbey.  As a mother-in-law I want to make sure I encourage each of our children in their marriages.  We won't always agree with our children's spouses but we need to encourage them in their marriages.  This last week the example of the Dowager encouraging a strong healthy marriage was exceptional.  She saw how her son and daughter-in-law were grieving but not together over the loss of their daughter.  She saw them drifting further and further apart and knew that they needed to come back together rather than blaming and going further apart.  In the past you see how she disagrees with one or the other of the couple but this time she supports them being a couple so that they can grieve together. She contacts the local physician and begs his help in helping to get the couple back on track.  To me that is beautiful to see someone TRY to help their children's marriage work.  There was no blaming either one but simply getting them back on track.  Blaming your child's spouse can be very harmful for their marriage.  When their are children involved we need to encourage and bring out the positive in the in-law rather than bringing out the faults.  They already see the faults and don't usually need help pointing them out.  Consider if there are children involved,  unless they are doing something immoral or illegal we need to focus on the positive.  Give them the tools to work through their challenges.  But be supportive.  Help them to get the help when they need it.  Being an in-law is a challenge but also very rewarding.  I have loved how my sweet friend has been supportive of her son's ex-daughter-in-law when he left her, but she has also loved her son.  A very unselfish way to approach this very difficult situation.  What an example she has given me.  I hope I can be half as loving as my friend has been.  

By the way - This is the beginning of National Marriage Week - Take your spouse out and enjoy.  Buy a Dating My Spouse Card and make it a regular event. 

"I guess this means we're married"

Unfortunately I'm one of the lucky ones that hit the 40% that the flu shot did not work.  I tried to work yesterday and realized something is just not right and did a test and found out I had flu B.  I got out of there and headed home and put myself to bed.  I felt horrible!

Just a few hours later my husband came home with similar symptoms.  Bless his heart, in the process of getting home he had picked up chicken noodle soup and some other meds for me.  I had called in Tamiflu for him and me.  By 7 pm we were both in the bed.  A thermometer in his mouth and a Kleenex box by my side, he looked at me and said. "I guess this means we are married".

Yes,  what a comforting thought!! We are married.  We can feel comfortable with each other enough to look our worse and need help from the other.  I am so thankful that we are married.

I recently ran across this This blog had some great and practical ideas of being close even when you have the flu.   That looks just like John and me.  We stay so close that we are not afraid of sharing the germs.  We know that we are one and that our immune system is built up by being with each other.  It's great comfort to have him upstairs in the same room or area with me.  Both of us trying to help each other.  I think he actually helped me a lot more.

What a blessing to be able to share in sickness and in health.  Hope you don't get this bug!!!

Grow Old Along with Me!! The Best is yet to be!!

Recently we had a scare with my husband's dad.  Right after Christmas he had a heart attack and seemed to be recovering then all went down hill and he ended up in heart surgery with a complete valve replacement and a low chance to live.  This was totally unexpected since he has been very active and healthy.  Yes, he's 83 but he sure doesn't look like it.  We are blessed so much because he is doing so well in his recovery.  He has gotten discharged to home and is doing miraculously well.

One of the things that he said as he was recovering was how wonderful it was to have Mary Beth (his wife) by him the whole time.  She never left him and she has been right there to help in every way.  She made sure before he had even had this happen that he was taken care of with healthy meals and that he made it to all his doctor's appointments.  Then afterward she has lovingly cared for him in ways that no one else can.  As a medical provider I have read that the people that heal the best are those that are surrounded by those that love them.  He was so grateful and knew how blessed he was to have her by his side.  The same was said of my mom and dad when he was sick and at the end of his life.  I have also seen the statistics that men live ten years longer that have been in a healthy married relationship.

I also came to realize how important it is when parents stay together.  Yes, all the children were right there when there was a possibility that we might lose him, but also afterwards there has been so much love and support for both Dad and Mom, as was for my Mom and Dad.  But what happens when two people divorce and age.  Unfortunately I have seen that side with patients too.  When a parent is not in the home or if there is a divorce where there is great resentment between two parents then one is usually left out.  There is not the obligation or desire to be there for the parent that left the home.  Then that person suffers alone and does not receive the loving care and concern that is given to those that have been married for years.

This seems to be a bigger problem than people realize.  We forget that when we age we have a need to be with people.  Our health is so much better when we are with loved ones.  I think about my mom's best friend and how they are in their 90's and they still are independent and take care of themselves.  It's the sweetest thing to see two older people look out for each other.  I believe that is what God wants us to do as we age.  He must be broken hearted to see someone that has no one to care for them when they are older.

You know Valentine's Day is just around the corner and we think of all the syrupy sweet romance, but it's so much more than that.  The most romantic love I see is the one that lasts a lifetime.  Through the tough times and good they keep going then at the end they are there for each other.  Every morning as I walk down my stairs I look at a sign right above my head that says, "Grow old alone with me, the best is yet to be..."  The long term love and relationships are truly beautiful.   How wonderful to know that you have someone that loves you and will help to care for you.  Thank you to my mom & dad as well as my husband's that have given us this wonderful example.