Being Mimi, Mom and so much more

Being a "Mimi" is one of the greatest things.  I loved my kids, and now I LOVE my grandkids.  Whenever I go anywhere it's like I'm constantly looking for cool stuff that the kids will like.  I hear that there are others that do this too.  Some of these stores have SUCKER written all over it.

This past week my daughter Jennifer and I took our mom/daughter trip all the way out to Branson.  I had no idea how far it really was.  13 hours with a 6 month old is a bit of a challenge (yes we had the baby with us, he's attached right now).  Both were real troopers!!!  Caffrey wasn't too keen on the carseat after the first 13 hour trip.  Can't say that I blame him.  But he slept alot and seemed to handle it pretty well.

It's always great to have some time to talk with kids. I miss having my kids in the car with me.  That was always the best talking time.  They would tell me about their day and what was bugging them etc.  Jenn and I enjoyed that time again.  So wonderful to catch up.  To hear her points of view on motherhood, being a pastor's wife and life in general.  To be honest I was a little apprehensive about the trip.  I only messed up once, well maybe twice.  I noticed that the time she gets most upset is when I try to tell her I understand.  Well, it's been 24 years since I've been in her situation and I probably have forgotten some of the trauma of a being a mom and hearing your baby crying.  I quickly had to apologize, because I don't remember how it felt.  I just know it must hurt to hear your baby cry.  I do remember being in distress when she would cry all the way home from Columbus, GA to Dalton, GA. That was distressing and she screamed the whole time.

The other neat thing I now know she is experiencing is the need to be whole with her family.  She

missed her husband, just as I missed mine.  It's really weird, but you do feel a little lost without your other half there.  They are used to working as a team with their baby and they have that down pat.  And that's the way it's supposed to be!!!   God made two parents to be the mommy and the daddy.  She kept saying "I don't know how people do it without a husband to help!"  I did a lot of my kids by myself and I know, it wasn't easy.  It's easier to give in and do mess up and say the wrong things and not get corrected.  It's easier to do just let them watch that show and to go along with the crowd.   It's easier to go through the drive thru than it is to sit down with your kids as a single-mom family.  So I'm very proud of her for seeing how tough it is.  As she said, it's tough enough with both of us.

She also gave me great insight into what I did right as a mom.  I am still amazed that we have five kids that we blended together and they are starting to really enjoy being together and they all love Jesus.  The latter is what I'm most proud of.  I asked her what did we do that was different.  She told me it was our Friday night worships with our kids.  We used to sing and then tell a story every Friday night we had the kids.  We created a tradition about dinner that evening and our time together.  They all tell different stories about those evenings.  Trevor reminded me tonight about how he hated that we would have Chinese food.  He would always end his prayers with AMENT.  When we get our kids home on a Friday evening, they still enjoy our Friday night worship time.

I remember so many walks on the beach with my precious husband praying about our children.  I knew

the odds for them turning out good were not as high as if they had all had their own parents together.  I knew also that the only thing that would make the difference would be prayer.  So pray we did.  We had a regular 3 mile walk on the beach at our "beach" in Jacksonville.   John would start praying and go through the oldest to the youngest to our parents and I would follow and do the same.  Those walks were so precious and sacred to me.  I miss them so very much.  I remember praying at the end, please let them know you, love you and serve you.   God is so good, he's letting me see my prayer being answered.  They each talk about how they love Jesus.  In 3 weeks we will get our oldest granddaughters as their parents go on a mission trip to New Orleans.  What a joy to have the girls, but especially knowing that their mom and dad are serving Him is even more of a joy. (More on that when we get to experience it)  We can't wait to see where God is going to take each of them.

Experiencing our children as adults is a treat.  I'm so glad we can experience this together. God is good.  It's been worth the challenges that we had in the past to see the ends of the stories.  I wish I could say we did it perfectly, but we didn't.  I just know it took a lot of prayer and trust.    I hope this hasn't seemed like I'm bragging, but I am very proud of all of our children.  I know it really had nothing to do with John and Me except we trusted God to do what he was going to do.  I hope you see God as trustworthy too.  

Encourage don't Discourage

Fireproof has passed but I still love its message. So much good stuff in just the trainlers.    Many times I sit and listen to conversations of friends and family and I hear talk about this husband or this wife that they should definitely leave them.  My heart hurts when I hear that.  I have been so guilty of the same thing.  It's so easy to judge when we aren't living in their shoes.  One of the worst things I see us do as spouses is tear our spouse down to other people.  It's almost like we bring out their bad points to justify ourselves.  Yep, I'm guilty.  But I know that's so very harmful.  Over the years I have tried to encourage couples in their marriages.  No, I'm not a therapist, but I have found that when we encourage and bring out the good points of a spouse to a person they tend to go back and realize what they have. 

No, I'm not advocating unhealthy marriages where there is actual abuse, I'm just trying to say that many times we can help a couple get back on track by just bringing out the good points.  For twenty years I have been telling couples how important their marriage is to their children.  There have been some that share some pretty horrific stories about the put-downs the negativeness etc.  But years later they have come back to me to tell me they stayed and continued to work on their marriage and it worked.  They have been glad that they stayed.  I have read the research that states that those that stay in the marriage and WORK on getting through the challenges and conflicts are much happier in five years than those that gave up.  I'm just saying, try to work on it.  It's much better to find the good in the marriage and the person you are married to than constantly dwelling on the negative parts.

That is one thing I have been so encouraged with in my biking community friendships, We have a bunch of couples and we all lift up our spouses!! No they aren't perfect, but we really don't want to trade 'em in.  One friend shared her story about the challenges of constantly trying to keep him happy.  Doing all the things he wanted to do and leaving her feelings and wants and  desires on the back burner.  She eventually got tired of this and said phooey, I'm gonna do my own thing.  Well that's when she started biking.  A beautiful thing happened, she never put him down as she started doing her thing, she didn't try to push him to start doing it with her, but he eventually joined her after about a year.  Now  I watch as they have this beautiful relationship together.  They LOVE to be together but they also are very comfortable doing their own things.  There is a confidence we gain as we encourage our spouse but don't leave our thoughts, feelings and desires out.

I noticed this same thing in Fireproof in a scene when both partners were talking with their friends and saying how bad the other spouse was.  Most of their friends were saying you just need to leave him/her, except one, he said hang in there, it's definitely worth it. When there is one or two that can encourage and give them hope there is greater hope to save the marriage.  I want to encourage you to be a marriage champion and encourage someone in their marriage.  It's worth it for everyone.

My Daddy was the BEST!!!

This past Sunday was Father's Day and if I'd had my act together I would have written this blog earlier, but instead, I was participating in another triathlon and working at our local Church Event Messiah's Mansion.  So here goes.  I wanted to share some stories about my daddy.  My daddy was my hero.  I'm so proud of who he was and all that he accomplished.  To me he was an amazing man and if you knew his background that he overcame you would be blown away.

My dad grew up in Atlanta, well sort of.  He started off in Alabama.  His dad died either before he was born or soon after.  His mom struggled with this loss I'm sure and remarried several times.  My dad did not like his stepdads and had told me on a couple of occasions that he was treated very mean by them.  He ran away at a very young age to his aunt's house.  She kept taking him back but he would persist in coming back to her home.  She finally kept him and raised him as her own.  He didn't have his own bedroom, but slept on the couch.  He failed school because he changed schools so many times before the eighth grade.  When he was old enough his aunt sent him to a Christian Boarding School in North Carolina.  He talked many times about the Howards who befriended him and loved him as a son.  I remember visiting them many times as a child.  My dad had great respect for Pastor Howard.  He actually did very well at the school.  Worked very hard for his room and board and his senior year he became the class president.  Everyone liked him, and wanted him to be around.  My dad had a great sense of humor and was always laughing and smiling.  Apparently he did not make a really good choice his senior year by hanging around a boy that influenced him to join him on an evening escapade.  It was totally innocent, but he got caught and his privilege of speaking at graduation was taken from him.  He had a lot of regret over that situation.

After graduation he joined the army to do his part in WWII.  I used to love to hear his stories about his army experience.  His faith played a huge part in his life while serving his country.  Those stories influenced me in many ways, I believe my faith is stronger from his stories.  He had some challenges while in the army, but with his great personality, intelligence and skills he survived very well.  He actually had a part that he played in D-day.  I remember going to visit England and I wanted to see the town that he was stationed at.  I remember him saying he would be eating supper outside and a german bomber would come through and he could actually see the eyes of the pilot.

After surviving that experience he got out of the army and decided to use his GI bill to pay for his college.  He went to a Christian College and got a business degree.   But little did he know that was not where he would stop.  His friend Pastor Howard knew him well and knew he had potential and encouraged him to go to medical school.  He finished all the prerequisites then applied to Loma Linda University in California.  When he applied, the challenges that he had going through the boarding school came back to haunt him.  He almost didn't get into medical school but his friend, Pastor Howard, went to bat for him and he was accepted in the class of 52 I believe.  He graduated in the top 1/3 of his class and I want to say that he was 3rd.  Pretty good for a kid that failed out of grade school.

He met my mom and they married after just 3 months of dating.  Oh the funny stories they share about how they got together and spending their honeymoon camping with some friends.  The odds should have been against them for making it in their marriage, but they were married for 64 years before he passed away.  They had a great marriage.  They lost their first child, which was devastating but brought them closer together as a couple.  He became one of the Mighty Six first doctors that started the new hospital here in Dalton.  People to this day come up to me and say that he either delivered him or was their mom's doctor or something.  He was one of the great doctors in the golden age of medicine.  He used to take me on house calls with him.  I remember being dressed in my nightgown ready to go to bed and he would bring us with him to see a patient.  I remember being six years old, way too young to be up on the floor to do rounds with him and he would let me ride in the elevator until he was finished. I loved to hang out at the hospital with him.  I had a little nurse outfit with a cape and cap and I would wear that to his office to help put patients in the rooms.  I loved it when he would ring the bell and say "2cc's of penicillin" I wanted to badly to learn how to give shots.

He later built nursing homes for so many of his patients.  They were nice, but I knew I did not want my parents to be there. I went to work in those nursing homes at the age of 14 and have been nursing ever since.  I loved watching my dad care for his patients.  He knew just how to make them feel heard and loved but be very efficient.  He told me that he saw over 100 patients one day when there was a flu

epidemic.  I knew that my dad would answer my call whenever I would call his office.  That was one of the greatest comforts to me, to know that he was always there for me.  Through the years I listened and learned so much from my dad.  One of my favorite memories is when he was in the hospital to have his rotator cuff repaired (an avid golfer) and he told his orthopedic surgeon, this is my daughter the nurse practitioner, I felt like he was so very proud of me, as I was of him.  There are so many ways that he influenced me and I am so very grateful that I had him as my father. He gave me strong values, and helped me learn how to make decisions.  I knew right from wrong not just from his corrections but from his examples.  He is still my hero and think about him every day.  I am so thankful that in his last years my husband got to know and appreciate him even more.  During the last five years or so we took on our boat traveling the great circle route with us which he absolutely loved.   He also gave me the love of travel and history.  Boy I'm blessed!!!  Those were precious times.  Cherish your daddy, he's important.  Be the best Daddy you can be.  I'm proud that mine was and he really didn't have a good example, but he came through!!.

Inspiring

Recently I finished my seventh or eight Sprint Triathlon.  I know you are wondering "WHY?"  Sometimes that's me too.  But I started thinking about why have I done this, and there are several reasons.  I first started when my BFF challenged me to do a Danskin Tri at
Disney World when we turned 50.  I said sure.  That would be good for me.  I never dreamed how good it would be!!  Since then I have made it my goal to do at least one every year.  I think I missed one cause I didn't get registered in time.  But otherwise I've done one every year since that challenge.

But I never realized what the benefits would be for me.  Yes, you would think first of the physical benefits, I did get in shape and lost a few pounds.  I got stronger and I got more confidence in myself.  With this I also got endurance and discipline.  All are wonderful goals.  But the greatest benefit I have gotten is when I have encouraged others to join me and watch them grow.

Cindi and I had our daughters join us.  We now watch them as they continue to do either running or triathlons or some kind of physical events.  They are much healthier because of it.  Then I started training and my husband did not want me to ride by myself so he had to get a bike and we started training together.  We have grown so much closer because of our commonality in biking.  We have also grown in our friendships with others.  I have been encouraged to do metrics and centuries from our dear friends that we bike with.  They encouraged me and I in turn have encouraged others.  We all are changing and growing.  It's so inspiring and encouraging to watch the growth.

Then there is my running group.  As I trained for my first tri I met a couple of girls that would help me with the running portion.  We have continued this tradition and meet most mornings to enjoy our run, walk whatever and coffee together.  We have done tri's together rides together and shopped.  What a blessing to grow with friends.  Seven years we have enjoyed each others' company.

Then there is our Biking Community.  From there I have found a friend that wanted to join me last year in all my crazy goals.  She was crazy and did each one with me.  Now this year we set our goals again and boy she is beating me.  She and another girlfriend joined me on this tri and beat me in my time.  What fun to watch people succeed.  I have another girlfriend that is joining me this next week for the Calloway Tri and it will be her first.

From there we have made friends with swimmers, bikers and runners and I have been blessed by all.
One of my friends that joined me a couple of years ago in Florida for a TRI wrote on my FB "your still inspiring".  Wow,  that was a real compliment.  More so than finishing.  If I can inspire others here I hope I can inspire in other areas of my life.  I have found that my husband and I inspire many in their marriages, in their parenting and in their spiritual life.  That to me is so much better than anything else I can do in this world.  I am now seeing the people that say they were inspired by me inspiring others and the ripple effect is taking place.  WOW!!!   That's what

we are called to do.  How can you inspire someone?  First of all I want to say, yes, you can be an inspiration!!! No matter what you have done or where you have come from there is something that you are inspiring others to do.  I want to encourage you to inspire!  Inspire others all along the way and YOU will be the winner!!!

What we do for love

“For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships.

Without love, mountains become unclimbable, seas uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardships our lot in life.”

― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages (Library Edition): The Secret to Love that Lasts

 I will testify to this truth!!!  As I have been following John as he pulls me around on the bicycle, I have realized how much I love him and he loves me.   I could not do what I do all by myself.  It's him and me as a team that keeps us going!!!  The adventures that we get into are so much more fun with him and I really don't want to do any of them without him.  

As we have ridden he has said on multiple times,  I will miss you on the RAGRAI.  I have resisted since he started talking about it due to the overall experience.  I'm am more of a "Pampered Pedaler" and doing the

RAGBRAI shows no indication of being pampered.  As I was following him on the Hartwell ride I realized how much I really wanted to be with him and for love I could climb this mountain, so I told him that I would do the RAGRAI with him.  This is a 330 mile bike ride across Iowa at the end of July.  The weather last year was temperatures of 100 and a few terrible rainstorms.  What am I thinking?  Well, when I offered I secretly prayed there wouldn't be any openings.  John contacted the ride people and all spots were taken but they gave him a website he could post to get a ticket.    Well, he posted and within less than 24 hours a lady contacted him who could not go.  She is from Texas and had just started a new job and her boss told her she could not take that time off.  So a win-win, sort of!

We have gotten the ticket and I am signed up to be part of the Burlington Bike Club.  This year the ride will go through southern Iowa.  Hopefully the weather won't be quite as horrendous.  The road is less hilly and the daily rides are shorter.  I think I can do this.  

Please note the tent he's set up in our living room!!  Yes, he's excited that we are both going.  He had a one man tent last year and it's a family tent this year.  He keeps telling me that the food is fantastic and it's a party the whole way across.  We will see.  But here we go on another adventure!!! Pray for me!!

What are you doing in love that you would not do normally?  We all have them.  These are the things that make a marriage more meaningful and last a lifetime.  Enjoy the challenges along the way.